I’m in my jeep, riding with my family to pick up the rest of our daughters, and I realized I have a lot for which to be thankful. Sometimes it’s just that I woke up on this side of the ground. Sometimes it’s awesome feedback about my music from my fans. Most of the time it’s how my wife and daughters love me. Even though that love is powerful, I sometimes take it all for granted, not because I’m selfish or because I doubt it, but because I deal with depression and PTSD.
I’ve been dealing with some challenges while working on my new release. We all deal with people and situations that try to derail your plans from time to time, but depression and PTSD can intensify the effects those negative people and situations bring.
The difficulty becomes working past and through the days, weeks, and months where nothing seems as bright as you remember. Those afflicted by depression and/or PTSD often lose confidence because our self esteem goes to shit.
The sun might be shining, but a rain cloud seems to follow you wherever you go. Your emotions are in a constant state of flux, and that’s the point where you give zero fucks, so long as things get better.
I was in that place recently. Hell — if I’m being honest, I’m crawling out of that place right now. I realized the negativity I’ve been experiencing is real, after enduring months of mental anguish and torment, second guessing my value because of other people’s god complexes.
Despite the nonsense I’ve experienced, I’m here, emerging on the other side. The clouds are dissipating for now, and that’s a good thing. For those of you who have been there for me, thank you. I know you’re true friends. For those of you who weren’t, I don’t hold grudges. I understand what it’s like to be preoccupied with life. I hope you get through things quicker than I do when you’re at a low point.
I’m not sharing this because life is all sunshine and smiley faces with unicorns shitting rainbows while leprechauns abandon pots of gold to pull me out of my depression. I say this because one or more of you need to know you’re not alone. Maybe there’s a rainbow shitting unicorn waiting for you. Now, if you find him, you tell that fucker I’m not a leprechaun, and I will kick the shit out of him and his friends for my pot of gold. I hope I helped you smile.